Tuesday, May 22, 2012

coming in from the storm

It's one of those nights
where the air rushes round
and rattles the windows
an ominous sound

And the leaves they look ghostly
As they tap on the glass
And cling to the branches
Til the storm comes to pass

The clouds they are dark
And they hang in the air
Churning and stiring
Whiping your hair

I see you rush to me
Dashing on down the path
Hugging yourself
And not looking back

Your fingers are pink
They reach for the bell
You lick salt from your lips
And you bite them as well

I rush down all the stairs
And I open the door
You stand there and look
Dripping rain on the porch

And I gather you in
You are wet in my hands
But I'm pulling you in
And unzipping your pants

And you pull off your shirt
And your arms come around
You're lifting me up
Sweep my feet off the ground

I'm held in your arms
And I kick at the door
Wondering how it will be
But I know I am sure

Your skin it is warm
And I feel through my dress
The beat of your heart
The thump in your chest

You carry me up
I feel lighter than air
Your hand's on my waist
You're smelling my hair

You carry me in
Lay me down on the bed
You're my shield from the dark
You are holding my head

And you say, "hello you"
And you're glad you came back
The storm's getting louder
There's a thunderous clap

Your eyes they look at me
And your kissing it fits
You stop and you smile
And we know this is it

"You're so beautiful, baby"
And you pull up the sheets
And I'm lay in your arms
I feel humble and weak

I'm cupped in your hands
And we don't want to move
Feeling our skin
Feeling our groove

You're tracing my shape
And you won't let me go
There are words in my ear
But I don't want to know

And at some point we wake
We had drifted asleep
There are hands in my hair
And a kiss on my cheek

And I'm wrapped all around you
Thinking this is a dream
But your breath it is real
So I pull at the seam

And I'm bursting into
This small bubble of time
The whole world is outside
And right now you are mine

The lighting is pink
On the cusp of the dawn
As we lay side by side
Coming in from the storm.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

without you...

I remember the day
That we got the sad news
The day we were told
That we had lost you,

I'd been out for the day
And when I came home
The air was too still
For everyone home

I knocked on the door
And I saw in her face
That something was up
Things felt out of place

So I asked what it was
And she told me at once
That we'd lost you today
She put up no fronts

I walked through the room
He was sat on the floor
I could see in his eyes
As I stood in the door

That his world now had changed
And that made him seem small
It won't be the same
Without you to call

No more words of advise
No more stories to tell
Of your time before ours
Of you wishing us well

He was sat on the ground
With the phone in his hands
His loved ones around
In a foreign, strange land

His face it was empty
His colour was drained
Knowing you as you were
We'd never see you again

And I turned in the door
And I walked far away 
Going down past our path
Walking out through the gate

The moon it was high
And the air it was still
I felt the cool breeze
I felt a deep chill

That crept up through my bones
And rippled my skin
Knowing all that was left
Was your memory within

And I walked down the road
Kicking gravel and stones
Not wanting to stop
Or to be in our home

I needed some time
To process this news
And think of our lives
Going on without you

The tears as they fell
I thought they weren't mine
There was too much to feel
In this moment in time

So I stopped moving forward
I stopped in my tracks
I turned on my heels
I turned to head back

And I got to the house
They all were still there
She reached for my hands
She stroked down my hair

And he sat at the table
And he looked in my eyes
The pain that we felt
Would never subside

There was nothing to say
And nothing to do
But accept the sad news
And go on without you.

xx


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

not good enough for me

I spent ages deciding
What clothes I should wear
I used the last of my perfume
And I played with my hair
Straightening the curls
And smoothing it down
Catching myself in the mirror
Twirling around
Holding myself
In a flattering pose
Painting my lips  

Dusting my nose
Taking one last look
At my face in the glass
Wondering what you might think
Will you approve, will I pass?
And I smiled as I walked
To the station for you
Wondering what we might say
Wondering what we might do
It took over an hour
And my tummy wouldn't rest
Sending flutters of feeling
Up into my chest
Catching glances of me
In the reflection on windows
A stranger who saw me
He gets it, oh he knows
It was all over my face
And in every step
A second chance came today
You're still there, you've not left
And I waited for you
And I straighten my dress
Running hands through my hair
Felt the breath in my chest
And I'm biting my lip
And I'm tugging my ear
My breathing it quickens
Because soon you'll be here
I'm waiting for you
I know you are near
The moment is close
More hope than there's fear
But soon I will realise
As the leaves start to stir
It's been over an hour
And still your not here
People they pass me
As they walk down the street
Off to see friends
Or to pubs where they'll meet
Someone like you
With a confident smile
And a freshness
An energy
And they'll stay for a while
And when they look at me
I feel sudden shame
That I realised too late
You're not coming today

I get back on the train
And I'm sitting alone
I'm staring, unblinking
I switch off my phone
I was excited to see you
We'd made special plans
Now I'm hiding my tears
And I'm ringing my hands
I stare in the distance
An indefinable dot
Holding me captive
Making me rot
But then a stranger looks at me

He smiles, and I see
There are other people out there
And you're not good enough for me.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

someone near

I smile at the stranger
As we're riding the tube
And I'm wanting to say
"Why, hello," / "how are you?"

And I'll mean it, if I say it
It's not just a line
I care how you are
In this moment in time

I feel love in an instant
With my heart on my sleeve
The old man on the bench
That I passed on the street

With no one beside him
And no one around
He shuffles his feet
He stares at the ground

And the dirty old worker
With dust on his hands
And eyes that are heavy
Lives not gone to plan

And the mother and baby
With crumbled up clothes
And fistfuls of toast
And snot on their nose

And the bloke in the suit
With the confident grin
And the bulge of his case
What a burden to win

And the girl in reflection
Who's eyes are so bright
But no one looks at her
She's not in their sight

And these people they see me
And me, I see them
They're there at the start
And they're there at the end

But we walk like we're dead
And we utter no sound
Our senses are numb
We float on the ground

With feet disconnected
We're sweeping on through
All the days and the nights
Something borrowed, something blue

With the anguish for families
Who live far away
And pain over people
Who aren't in our day

There are too many people
Who all clutch at my heart
But you can't be here with me
And it tears me apart

So I sit in the the middle
Of some 9 million peeps
We ride the same trains
We walk the same streets

But not a single one
For miles around
Can give back this feeling
And I think I am bound

To be solo in life
And that racks me with fear
Because I hate being solo
And I want someone near.

we can't give it back

it doesn't get easier
it just stops being new
my days carry on
I think less now of you

but the importance I place
on different things
doesn't take it away
what the thought of you brings

you're still the same you
and I'm still the same me
we've just gone separate ways
we've moved on, we are free

but all that we shared
it is frozen in time
and we can't give it back
for it's auld lang syne.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

hanging on...

hanging on to the last
like a child with a balloon
that wants to float away

over rooftops and treetops
over the hills
and the bay

getting smaller and smaller
until the colour has faded
and what's left
is a dot on the horizon
flickering
and then gone.

what they were

does she look at me and think the same
not knowing me except my name
and thinks I play a better game
I hold his heart, I stake my claim

or is it me that looks at her
her flawless skin, her silky hair
an easy smile, no fears, no care
for her he'll be forever there

I caught his eye, he watched me walk
we laughed and cried, and talked and talked
I held his hand and shared his bed
and made him smile with things I said

he kissed me once, he kissed me twice
he stroked my hair, it felt so nice
I fed his eager appetite
we played the day, and dreamt the night

I cursed that she had met him first
his broken heart from her, I nursed
but here it is, true love reversed
a second chance, a void traversed

or will i be compared to her
and will i be abhored by her
be not distinct, but just a blur
a bitter taste, of what they were.

you're in my sleep

You turned your back
And faced the door
When you said goodbye
You must have thought
When I didn't answer
I'd lost the will
But my words choked up
They're stuck there still
I looked at you
I felt the same
As much as when
We met that day
The way you speak
The way you sound
My breath falls short
When you're around
I want to put
my hand in yours
It's not allowed
It feels too forced
I dip my head
And drop my gaze
Won't let you see
These painful days
I want your arms
Around me now
I want your touch
I'm not sure how
Things came undone
And all seems lost
I won't move on
I've fingers crossed
I'm wanting you
Do you want me
You think I've gone
I've not, you see
I think of you
It's constantly
I dream of you
You're in my sleep.

a lump in my throat

There is a lump in my throat
And a thread of tension
That runs from my ears
Down the sides of my neck
Dragging down my ribcage
Into the pitt of my stomach
Where it swirls in a vortex
And leaves my legs heavy
And my toes to curl
And I ache for a blanket
And to hide from this world.