hurt

hurt is when your tummy aches

your shoulders hunch

your hands they shake

your mind is in a hazy blur

she thinks of him

he thinks of her

you stand alone

you don't go far

you can't go on

you know you are

penetrable from every side

but you can't run

and you can't hide

the wind alone is your embrace

the sun shines on

and sees your face

the tears they fall

just like the rain

a distant call

the deepest pain

and then you find a strength inside

won't let you freeze

won't let you hide

but makes you move

and carry on

your head held high

the pain has gone

it's buried deep

and wrapped around

a tender soul

you're on the ground

the birds they sing

their evening song

and tell you now

it won't be long

the buds will open

the garden bloom

this is your time

give love, make room.

I don't say it enough

She was wrinkled and pink

When you first saw her face

You didn't know what to think

When you stood in that place

Abated, elated

You lived life for this day

And will live now for her

You were scared and afraid

Your world it had changed

And your outlook was new

No longer the same

Once she came into view

And you looked at them both

Your two little girls

In your throat, the words choked

For all you need in this world

Is their love and their faith

You'd do anything for them

And your word is your bond

Again and again

You will give all you have

And you'll do what is right

That to love them is all

And for them you will fight

Even if they are wrong

And even if you can't see

Why they do all those things

So differently

Everything you have done

And everything that you do

Is always for them

And is never for you

And then they grow up

All at once, overnight

And you worried they'd leave

And be out of your sight

Your own little girl

With the stars in her eyes

She'll go travel the world

She will soar through the skies

And she'll fight for what's right

She'll remember your words

As she carves out her path

And she lives for what's hers

And you cannot do more

But sit back now and trust

She'll take care of herself

And she'll do what she must

Doing only the things

That let her fly free

And leave her fulfilled

And make her happy

And she can do anything

That her heart tells her to

She believes in herself

Because she knows you do too

For you are her rock

And for that she is glad

I don't say it enough,

That

I love you

Dad.

coming in from the storm

It's one of those nights
where the air rushes round
and rattles the windows
an ominous sound

And the leaves they look ghostly
As they tap on the glass
And cling to the branches
Til the storm comes to pass

The clouds they are dark
And they hang in the air
Churning and stiring
Whiping your hair

I see you rush to me
Dashing on down the path
Hugging yourself
And not looking back

Your fingers are pink
They reach for the bell
You lick salt from your lips
And you bite them as well

I rush down all the stairs
And I open the door
You stand there and look
Dripping rain on the porch

And I gather you in
You are wet in my hands
But I'm pulling you in
And unzipping your pants

And you pull off your shirt
And your arms come around
You're lifting me up
Sweep my feet off the ground

I'm held in your arms
And I kick at the door
Wondering how it will be
But I know I am sure

Your skin it is warm
And I feel through my dress
The beat of your heart
The thump in your chest

You carry me up
I feel lighter than air
Your hand's on my waist
You're smelling my hair

You carry me in
Lay me down on the bed
You're my shield from the dark
You are holding my head

And you say, "hello you"
And you're glad you came back
The storm's getting louder
There's a thunderous clap

Your eyes they look at me
And your kissing it fits
You stop and you smile
And we know this is it

"You're so beautiful, baby"
And you pull up the sheets
And I'm lay in your arms
I feel humble and weak

I'm cupped in your hands
And we don't want to move
Feeling our skin
Feeling our groove

You're tracing my shape
And you won't let me go
There are words in my ear
But I don't want to know

And at some point we wake
We had drifted asleep
There are hands in my hair
And a kiss on my cheek

And I'm wrapped all around you
Thinking this is a dream
But your breath it is real
So I pull at the seam

And I'm bursting into
This small bubble of time
The whole world is outside
And right now you are mine

The lighting is pink
On the cusp of the dawn
As we lay side by side
Coming in from the storm.

without you...

I remember the day

That we got the sad news

The day we were told

That we had lost you,

I'd been out for the day

And when I came home

The air was too still

For everyone home

I knocked on the door

And I saw in her face

That something was up

Things felt out of place

So I asked what it was

And she told me at once

That we'd lost you today

She put up no fronts

I walked through the room

He was sat on the floor

I could see in his eyes

As I stood in the door

That his world now had changed

And that made him seem small

It won't be the same

Without you to call

No more words of advise

No more stories to tell

Of your time before ours

Of you wishing us well

He was sat on the ground

With the phone in his hands

His loved ones around

In a foreign, strange land

His face it was empty

His colour was drained

Knowing you as you were

We'd never see you again

And I turned in the door

And I walked far away 

Going down past our path

Walking out through the gate

The moon it was high

And the air it was still

I felt the cool breeze

I felt a deep chill

That crept up through my bones

And rippled my skin

Knowing all that was left

Was your memory within

And I walked down the road

Kicking gravel and stones

Not wanting to stop

Or to be in our home

I needed some time

To process this news

And think of our lives

Going on without you

The tears as they fell

I thought they weren't mine

There was too much to feel

In this moment in time

So I stopped moving forward

I stopped in my tracks

I turned on my heels

I turned to head back

And I got to the house

They all were still there

She reached for my hands

She stroked down my hair

And he sat at the table

And he looked in my eyes

The pain that we felt

Would never subside

There was nothing to say

And nothing to do

But accept the sad news

And go on without you.

xx

not good enough for me

I spent ages deciding
What clothes I should wear
I used the last of my perfume
And I played with my hair
Straightening the curls
And smoothing it down
Catching myself in the mirror
Twirling around
Holding myself
In a flattering pose
Painting my lips  
Dusting my nose
Taking one last look
At my face in the glass
Wondering what you might think
Will you approve, will I pass?
And I smiled as I walked
To the station for you
Wondering what we might say
Wondering what we might do
It took over an hour
And my tummy wouldn't rest
Sending flutters of feeling
Up into my chest
Catching glances of me
In the reflection on windows
A stranger who saw me
He gets it, oh he knows
It was all over my face
And in every step
A second chance came today
You're still there, you've not left
And I waited for you
And I straighten my dress
Running hands through my hair
Felt the breath in my chest
And I'm biting my lip
And I'm tugging my ear
My breathing it quickens
Because soon you'll be here
I'm waiting for you
I know you are near
The moment is close
More hope than there's fear
But soon I will realise
As the leaves start to stir
It's been over an hour
And still your not here
People they pass me
As they walk down the street
Off to see friends
Or to pubs where they'll meet
Someone like you
With a confident smile
And a freshness
An energy
And they'll stay for a while
And when they look at me
I feel sudden shame
That I realised too late
You're not coming today
I get back on the train
And I'm sitting alone
I'm staring, unblinking
I switch off my phone
I was excited to see you
We'd made special plans
Now I'm hiding my tears
And I'm ringing my hands
I stare in the distance
An indefinable dot
Holding me captive
Making me rot
But then a stranger looks at me
He smiles, and I see
There are other people out there
And you're not good enough for me.

someone near

I smile at the stranger
As we're riding the tube
And I'm wanting to say
"Why, hello," / "how are you?"

And I'll mean it, if I say it
It's not just a line
I care how you are
In this moment in time

I feel love in an instant
With my heart on my sleeve
The old man on the bench
That I passed on the street

With no one beside him
And no one around
He shuffles his feet
He stares at the ground

And the dirty old worker
With dust on his hands
And eyes that are heavy
Lives not gone to plan

And the mother and baby
With crumbled up clothes
And fistfuls of toast
And snot on their nose

And the bloke in the suit
With the confident grin
And the bulge of his case
What a burden to win

And the girl in reflection
Who's eyes are so bright
But no one looks at her
She's not in their sight

And these people they see me
And me, I see them
They're there at the start
And they're there at the end

But we walk like we're dead
And we utter no sound
Our senses are numb
We float on the ground

With feet disconnected
We're sweeping on through
All the days and the nights
Something borrowed, something blue

With the anguish for families
Who live far away
And pain over people
Who aren't in our day

There are too many people
Who all clutch at my heart
But you can't be here with me
And it tears me apart

So I sit in the the middle
Of some 9 million peeps
We ride the same trains
We walk the same streets

But not a single one
For miles around
Can give back this feeling
And I think I am bound

To be solo in life
And that racks me with fear
Because I hate being solo
And I want someone near.

we can't give it back

it doesn't get easier
it just stops being new
my days carry on
I think less now of you

but the importance I place
on different things
doesn't take it away
what the thought of you brings

you're still the same you
and I'm still the same me
we've just gone separate ways
we've moved on, we are free

but all that we shared
it is frozen in time
and we can't give it back
for it's auld lang syne.